Sleeping With the Enemy (and Other Planetary Affairs)

Your birth chart is an epic rom‑com written in the stars: part divine drama, part cosmic fling. The planets you resist most are simply lovers in disguise, holding the keys to your next transformation.

Venus and Mars - Sandro Botticelli - c 1485.

When Mars Moves In and Won’t Stop Touching Your Stuff

You’re tracking the transits when (gasp!) you see Mars is about to move into your 7th house. And not just passing through: thanks to its retrograde dance, it’s unpacking for a six-month stay. You brace yourself for relationship drama. In your mind, Mars is loud, brash, and forever rearranging your furniture. Even natally, you and Mars have history, and not the good kind. Now the Red Menace is back, and he’s brought luggage.

When I lived in New York City, everyone had a story about that one roommate: the obnoxious, scheming, socially odd character you endured because rent was cheap and options were few. Surviving them was a rite of passage.

Astrologically speaking, we’re all in a lifelong house-share with a cast of planetary roommates we didn’t choose. Some are dream companions; others… well, they’re that one roommate. Our birth chart fixes them in certain signs, houses, and aspects, but the times we live in, the family we’re born into, and our own self-awareness shape how we relate to them.

Astrology isn’t a life sentence. A so-called “bad” placement is just the opening chapter, not the whole plot. The same goes for transits and progressions; they can intensify the drama, but they’re not destiny carved in stone. The more we cling to a static view of the planets, the more anxious we become.

Over years of studying and practicing astrology, I’ve learned this: the more I grow in self-knowledge, the more I see my chart, and the transits that activate it, as an unfolding relationship, not a fait accompli.

Lately, I’ve been playing with a new lens: what if your natal and transiting planetary configurations are an unfolding romance plot between you and these cosmic personalities? And what if romance tropes could help you navigate life with your planetary roommates?

The Last of England - Ford Maddox Brown - c. 1855

Enemies-to-Lovers with a Heavy Dose of Forced Proximity

If I were to assign a romantic trope to astrology, it would be its most enduring one: enemies-to-lovers with forced proximity. And the reason it works here is the same reason it works in fiction: tension and inevitability. You and your chart are stuck together, and the friction, especially with prickly planetary configurations, is the alchemical vessel where transformation happens.

My invitation is to approach the “bad” placements and challenging transits not as punishments, but as characters you’re stuck with characters who can become allies, or even lovers, if you engage with them as romantic partners rather than “that one roommate” you barely tolerate. This means moving away from the seductively lazy fatalism of assumptions and toward relational curiosity seeing the planets not as static archetypes frozen in myth, but as evolving characters, changing as you do. Yes, it requires more work, but it makes the hard seasons more imaginatively inspiring and the sweet seasons more joyful.

And enemies-to-lovers with forced proximity isn’t the only romance DNA in your birth chart. As with any good story, the planets are running multiple subplots at once. Here are some tongue‑in‑cheek, romance‑inspired images to spark your imagination. This isn’t an exhaustive list, just enough to get you thinking about how these tropes might show up in your own life.

A Huguenot, on St. Bartholomew's Day Refusing to Shield Himself from Danger by Wearing the Roman Catholic Badge - John Everett Millais - 1852

Enemies-to-Lovers

The grumpy sparring partner who pushes every button you have until you realize they’re teaching you courage, emotional resilience, and how to stretch your creative muscles to solve problems in unexpected ways. In astrology, enemies‑to‑lovers is the friction that strikes the match. The “enemy” planet isn’t here to ruin you; it’s here to strip away entrenched, outdated coping mechanisms so real intimacy can begin.

Why:

Squares are 90° aspects are pure friction. They force action, demand adjustment, and won’t let you coast. They feel adversarial at first, but the tension is exactly what forges creative growth.

Examples:

• Mars square Moon — the fighter and the poet learning to respect each other’s rhythms.

• Venus square Saturn — the romantic and the realist discovering that love and commitment aren’t opposites.

• Mercury square Neptune — the fact‑checker and the dreamer learning to co‑author the truth.

Night and Sleep - Evelyn de Morgan - 1878

Forced Proximity

The escape‑room challenge of astrology: you and the planet are stuck together until you’ve cracked the mystery. As much as you’d like to, you can’t ghost your Saturn return or block Pluto’s number. The only exit is deeper in, into the alchemical vessel where transformation happens.

Why:

Conjunctions and slow‑moving transits (especially with long retrograde phases) fuse two energies in the same space. There’s no ignoring each other; you’re in the same room until you work it out. You may want to rush the process, but the cosmos doesn’t work on your timeline.

Examples:

• Saturn Return — the no‑nonsense, no‑BS life coach who helps you restructure your life.

• Pluto conjunct Sun — transformation and identity locked in an intense embrace, where your old self undergoes the ultimate death‑and‑rebirth.

• Uranus conjunct ASC — the wild‑card neighbor who moves onto your front porch, ushering sudden reinvention, dramatic life shifts, and freedom.

Love Among the Ruins - Edward Burne-Jones - 1894

Slow Burn

Slow burns teach patience, trust, and the art of savoring the reveal. Outer planet transits, Saturn cycles, Pluto transformations these are the relationships that take years to warm up. The tension is the point; the payoff is worth the wait.

Why:

Harmonious aspects to slow‑moving planets (trines, sextiles) and long cycles don’t demand instant crisis. They resist haste and surface change, focusing instead on gradual deepening and the slow reveal of their gifts.

Examples:

• Saturn trine Venus — the steady courtship. No whirlwind romance here, just consistent gestures, mutual respect, and a love that matures into unshakable devotion. One day, you look up and realize they’ve been your anchor all along.

• Pluto sextile Moon — the deep‑sea diver of your emotional world, coaxing you into the depths layer by layer until you’re holding treasures you didn’t know you had the courage to find.

• Neptune conjunct Midheaven — the muse who drifts in and out of your career path, gently dissolving what’s false until the fog clears to reveal a calling that feels both inevitable and entirely your own.

Salutation of Beatrice - Dante Gabriel Rossetti - 1859

Second Chance Romance

Second chances in astrology are less about rekindling the past and more about proving you’ve evolved beyond it. Retrogrades and repeating cycles are the exes who come back, not to torture you, but to see if you’ve grown enough to make it work this time.

Why:

Retrogrades literally retrace old degrees; returns (Saturn, Jupiter, Nodal) bring back earlier themes. They’re cosmic do‑overs, giving you the chance to level up and respond differently.

Examples:

• Mercury Retrograde — the chatty ex who shows up with a box of your old letters. Suddenly, you’re re‑reading conversations, revisiting decisions, and realizing there’s more to say, or a better way to say it.

• Venus Retrograde — the old flame who still knows your favorite song. They reappear to test whether your tastes, values, and boundaries have evolved, and whether you can love with more clarity this time.

• Nodal Return — the karmic partner who reappears to remind you of the promise you made to yourself lifetimes ago.

The Moon and Sleep - Simeon Solomon - 1894

Opposites Attract

Opposites attract because each side holds the missing piece of the other’s wholeness. It’s the Shadow Dance at its most potent. Polarities in your chart are the “we’re nothing alike, but can’t stay away” dynamics, maddening, magnetic, and often the most transformative.

Why:

Oppositions are 180° aspects are direct polarity. They can feel like a tug‑of‑war, but each side holds what the other lacks, creating an irresistible pull. The way toward balance is by recognizing that what the other holds is actually buried within you, waiting to be expressed.

Examples:

• Sun opposite Moon — The workaholic and the homebody. One thrives in the spotlight, the other craves quiet sanctuary. They frustrate each other endlessly, yet together they create a life that’s both lived and felt.

• Venus opposite Mars — The lover and the fighter. Every kiss is a dare, every argument a spark. They can’t decide whether to make up or break up, so they do both, often in the same evening.

• Jupiter opposite Saturn — The gambler and the accountant. One dreams big, the other keeps the receipts. They argue over the budget, but when they finally collaborate, they build something both visionary and sustainable.

April Love - Arthur Hughes - 1855-1856

Secret Identity

Secret identity placements are the plot twists of your chart, lifelong mysteries that reveal themselves slowly, yet change everything. Some energies stay hidden until you’re ready to see them: Neptune fog, 12th‑house secrets, and aspects that only show their gifts once you’ve earned their trust.

Why:

The 12th house conceals, Neptune blurs, and inconjuncts link signs with no common ground. These placements require time and maturity to integrate, so their gifts emerge as unexpected revelations.

Examples:

• Neptune in the 1st house — The alluring shapeshifter. Your self‑image is fluid, reflecting the people and places around you until you anchor it in something more profound. Then you become a living work of art, magnetic and unmistakably yourself.

• 12th house Venus — Love expressed in private, behind the scenes, or through quiet acts of devotion. A romance novel written in the margins, invisible to most, but deeply felt by those who know where to look.

• Pluto inconjunct Moon — The undercover alchemist of your emotions. Feelings shift in deep, unexpected ways, quietly reshaping you until vulnerability becomes strength.

The Beguiling of Merlin - Edward Burne-Jones - 1873-1874

Couples Counseling for You and Saturn

Every chart is a multi‑trope romance novel. Some arcs resolve quickly; others simmer for decades. The trick is to stop reading your chart like a static character description and start reading it like a love story in progress, one where you’re both the protagonist and the love interest.

Instead of: “What is Saturn doing to me?” Try: “What is my relationship with Saturn teaching me?”

Cosmic Couples Counseling is about helping you and your chart, your planetary partners listen to each other, communicate better, and learn each other’s love languages. This applies to both creatively affirming aspects (often labeled “positive”) and creatively challenging ones (often labeled “negative”), though I’m moving away from that oversimplified duality.

• Synergistic Aspects — the easy‑flowing couples who still need date nights to keep the spark alive.

• Challenging Aspects — the prickly pair who need therapy, boundaries, and curiosity to find their rhythm.

Paolo and Francesca - Frank Dicksee - 1894

The Hallway Between Slammed Doors and Stolen Kisses

In romance, the in‑between is the delicious ache, the hallway between slammed doors and stolen kisses. In astrology, this liminal space is just as potent. It’s where we move from “I hate this transit” to “I can’t imagine who I’d be without it.”

In this phase, we often need guides and allies to help us toward our version of a “Happily Ever After,” a “Happy For Now,” or perhaps more realistically “Content with What Is.”

Here, even if we’re still bristling at a planet’s demands, we stop running from it. We stand close enough to its fire to see both its challenges and its gifts. The tension hasn’t resolved, but the air is charged with possibility.

The liminal landscape is the alchemical vessel of the slow burn and forced proximity. It’s where the raw material of resistance is cooked down into intimacy. And like all liminal spaces, it’s uncomfortable, inescapable, and transformative, the place where you’re neither who you were nor yet who you’re becoming.

Aurora Triumphans - Evelyn de Morgan - 1877-78

Romance Trope Guide to Your Chart

In romance, the lovers change because of each other. In astrology, we change because of our engagement with the planetary archetypes, not by ignoring them or surrendering to them.

In both, the “enemy” becomes the lover when you integrate their gifts. This is the moment in the novel where the reader realizes: Oh, they were perfect for each other all along.

My invitation

Explore the planets in your chart as romantic lovers. Use the “How to Romance Them” prompts to create your own rituals to court them. These are just suggestions to get you started. Let your imagination set the mood and guide you through some planetary romancing. Make it consensual, and have fun.

Once you’re done, drop your Cosmic Couples in the comments, and let’s swap stories of our planetary romances.

• The Sun is the charismatic diva who knows the world revolves around them — because it does. “You’ll thank me when you’re glowing,” they purr, basking in their own light.
  
  To romance your Sun, write yourself a love letter and brag shamelessly. Let it be a celebration of everything radiant and unapologetic about you.

• The Moon is the moody poet who cries at commercials and feels everything twice as intensely. “I’m not dramatic, I’m deep,” they insist, clutching a blanket.
  
  Woo your Moon by cooking your favorite comfort food, lighting a candle, and journaling your feelings without editing — let the tides of emotion roll in.

• Mercury is the fast‑talking trickster who texts you memes at 2 a.m. “I overthink because I care,” they say, already halfway through another story.
  
  Take Mercury on a date with your own mind: set aside an hour to write down every thought, then read them aloud and see what surprises you.

• Venus is the hopeless romantic with a Pinterest board for your future wedding. “If it’s not beautiful, I’m not interested,” they sigh, arranging flowers just so.
  
  To court Venus, wear something that makes you feel magnetic and take yourself somewhere lovely — a gallery, a garden, a café with perfect lighting.

• Mars is the hot‑headed sparring partner who flirts by arguing. “Fight me. No, kiss me,” they tease, eyes flashing.
  
  Romance Mars by doing something physical that gets your blood pumping — a workout, a dance, a brisk walk — then channel that fire into a creative act.

• Jupiter is the overenthusiastic travel buddy who books trips without asking. “Expand your world or be bored,” they grin, already packing.
  
  Woo Jupiter by saying yes to one spontaneous opportunity today, no matter how small — a new café, a random class, a detour that turns into an adventure.

• Saturn is the stern mentor who secretly wants you to succeed. “I’m hard on you because I love you,” they say, handing you a checklist.
  
  To romance Saturn, commit to one small, doable task and follow through — then raise a glass to yourself for keeping the promise.

• Uranus is the eccentric genius who keeps rearranging the furniture. “Fall in love with the plot twist,” they declare, moving your couch again.
  
  Surprise Uranus — and yourself — by breaking one routine today: take a different route, wear something wild, or shake up your schedule.

• Neptune is the dreamy artist who forgets to pay rent. “The view’s better from the clouds.” they murmur, lost in a melody.
  
  Woo Neptune by spending twenty minutes in a daydream — through music, art, or simply staring at the clouds until shapes appear.

• Pluto is the intense ex who shows up to “talk” and leaves you transformed. “I burn it down so we can plant something wilder,” they whisper, eyes unblinking.
  
  To romance Pluto, choose one thing you’re ready to release — a habit, a fear, a story — and create a ritual to let it go.

Ease & Grace
Vanessa Couto